A life that is not what i thought.

2009-07-03T10:44:00.000-07:00

Its been 7 months since i blog. Time really fly so fast just like a blink of an eye. And Guess what LIFE is so GREAT. In this 7 months i learn alot and i grew alot and serve alot. i enjoy my last 7 months with my sound crew. HAHA. Man i going NS in 4 days. which is this coming tuesday. Man i will miss u guys alot. Working with the worship team and sound team. Man we sure do have lots of memories. i am very proud of you guys[sound team]. hahaha MAN MAN. i dunno what to blog. Life is great with my dad. hahaha =) hmmm dunno wat to blog liao. later than continue. LOL

2008-12-29T18:19:00.000-08:00

just came back from Australia. it was beautiful. want to go again. done lots n lots of shopping. really enjoy it with my family. Well, 1st day was so tired. so went back to the hotel. and sleep. it was really tiring. then in the evening went out to have dinner. and me and my family sat the ferry's wheel. it was beautiful! and then went to have supper. wow their food is really expensive. it cost me sg$7 just for a hot-dog bun. is way to expensive. well the food there is way too expensive except fast-food. so that's all for the first day. well on the 2nd day, hmm woke up at 9am which is 7am sg time. went to the city. walked around and went to book a place in sunshine coast for xmas day. so after that went arnound the city. and sat the ferry. WOW IN 2 HRS I AM TEND ALREADY. my goodnesss. the temperature is same as Singapore but is more hot.so after the ferry. went around to shopping again. then went to botanical gardens. then went to take the night ferry again. and thats our day. haha and now the 3rd day. went on a tour to mount tambolrine is was so so cool! so nice!! man. and there are ppl leaving on the mountains there. wow. and went on the forest walk. then aftter that went to O'railey's vineyard. wow first time to a vineyard. it is super cool! tasted wine. wow...is so so nice! and now for the 4th day. xmas day. well travelled all the way to sunshine coast. it was nt bad. is an experience where i stayed with the locals. was kinda cool. wasn't use to it on the 1st day.but after that was alright. well stayed there for 3 days. didnt shop much there. and i stayed beside a mountain called mount coollum. so during the 3 days. went to water-world. and it is so small. no point going. LOL and went shopping in sunshine plaza. didnt buy much there. bought fruits chocolates. haha. and then went back on the 28 dec to brisbane and shop around. bought 1 shorts. and then at night went to a tour to another mountain to see the whole city of brisbane called mount coo-ta. it was super beautiful! is so nice. is something like mount faber but way higher and can see the whole city of brisbane. like seeing the whole of singapore. then 29 went back to singapore. well thats all of my trip wanna see pics. go to my facebook. i will upload soon. ahaha^^

2008-11-20T19:12:00.000-08:00

man!. i got this super big issue in my life!! and it getting me into so much trouble!! HOW TO WAKE UP EARLY IN THE MORNING!! man..i really cant wake up. sian. always miss my morning lessons on monday and friday. GOD how???? should i invest on 10 alarm clocks. i think i really should. i think this saturday i will be going to buy alarm clocks before i go to service.this really makes me feel so shitty. how to hellp myself..i dunno..saddens my life.

2008-11-03T21:28:00.000-08:00

hmm..this few days. I have been stress about a couple of things in my life. I realize i don't really know how to prioritize what things to buy first and last. i really wish i am rich. Not in this type of average poor state. Now i really need a new job. Sometimes i really don't understand. Why God don't put me in a very rich family. But why he chose others to be rich. Sometimes i realize that money is a big burden in my life. And i really HATE it alot. Because of Money, many things can't be done. sometimes I think. Why God has a plan for me. But yet he still put me here. Why doesn't he put me in a rich family and the plan is the same. I feel so bloody mis-serable. Without money, i can't persue what i want. Without money, my family is going to be even more stress. Without money so many things can't be done at all.

Now i have to go make bank loans for my study. And is a burden. A burden of not enough money. LOANS...DAMMM IT...i see other families who don't even need a bank loan. And that is one thing off their mind when they have money. They can send their children overseas to get a higher qualification. But for me..that is no way. sometime the life that God put me in really sucks. why cant i just be rich and the God's plan is the same as now. Life really sucks.

2008-10-16T20:31:00.000-07:00

MAN..is already friday..I WASTED MY week..no contacts and no new-belivers...DAMM...what the hell am i doing. I need to overcome my fear..arrr.why cant i be more courageous..damm it.
I just don't know why. When i just step into the school, everythings' different. Has my school became a devil's stronghold. Once i step in, everything is just want to go home and don't want to do anything. GOD HELP ME..why am i so dis-obedient. i am so angry of myself being so weak to fight against the devil.

The HOLY SPIRIT TOLD ME THIS BEFORE LEDERSHIP CAMP:

SIMEI ITE need prayer walk!! AND THATS WHAT WE NEED TO DO FIRST. we need God to come into our school before we can start our evax. If God is not there with us. NOTHING IS SUCCESSFUL.There isn't any revival in our land cause God is not in our land. We must invite him into our land and he will prosper us.

MAN I WANT TO WIN MY SCHOOL!! 10 WEEKS LEFT! ARR!!! God pls pls help me to overcome my comfort zones and not be lazy. Actuallly i wanted to tell my simei group about the prayer walk. Damm everything also scared. i am such a insecure person. God help me change in this area of securness. Help help me!!

Prayer Walk!

2008-10-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

Man..i have been working overnight lots of times. God.. hanging out with you ay. well today's work is not really good..well, got piss off my china ppl. shant elaborate. well, the harvest is coming already man. God help me alright. well, is just me and u alright. ahaha.

Lord. i wish to go a very cooling country like US or Europe. Eh God. i want to migrate there man. Own a big land, a house, and nice big yard. man want to see the sun rise with you God. Hanging out with u there. is just so cool man.

Well, school is starting soon. and i didn't do well for my previous paper which is a D. GPA drop to 2.1. Got to work hard in this coming sememster. God is for your glory alright. God is all for you.
life is changing.
God is just me and u. HELP me Guilde me.. thnks dad^^

2008-10-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

well bdays over. and this are my wishes:

-To overcome the Giants in my life
-To overcome all fears in my life
-Not to be the negative
-To meet God everyday in my life
-To lead my life well
-To have a better life-management
-To have a better spiritual/physical discipline
-To honour God in everything
-To be empowered by God even deeper
-To see my school cross over the line to Christ
-To see my parents cross over the line to Christ
-To see my vision come to past
-To do well in my studies
-To be a very different leader from all other leaders
-To be even close with the Holy Spirit
-To impact the world with God

and more..if i write is nvr ending.

well, it is another chance that God has given me. It is an opportunity that God has given me. God is saying that it is time. And now is the time where God will use me to reveal him. Hmmm i need to tell myself no fear. God says no fear in the bible 365 times.

Dear God, you are my guide. You are my shepherd. Lead me to where you want me to be. Lord when i win, i will still love and praise you. And if i lose i will still love and praise you. Lord help me. I need your guidance,strength. Help me pls lord. Guide me and change me. I want to be different from others. PLS LORD make me different. Lead me to lead those who don't know you yet. I love you lord. i love you lord. thank you lord. i will always give thanks to you. change my life. Help me lord. In Jesus Name, Amen. ^^

I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST
I AM THE BEST

2008-10-02T11:29:00.000-07:00

is 2.31am in the morning of my bday hahaa...today's my birthday...guess is nthing more than jus a day..lol..well..i am going to work..want to 4gt this day soon and move on..i am already 20..hahaha..so old already..tired man..today went and help out the food com. for the upcoming leadership camp..haha...lots of things man..and worst i am fasting from meat..saddens...i watch 2 movies today. 1.doomsday[nt bad] 2.fighting withe giants[inspiring] haha..lots of good things i did today...well..school is starting soon.. and i did very bad for my results my GPA drop frm 2.6- to 2.4 now is 2.1..sian man..what a great thing to know on my bday..saddens..well goin to work...got to slp already nites...will blog again.

2008-08-22T09:02:00.000-07:00

its been so long keeping this to myself..i thought it could heal as time passes by..but it didnt.. my heart up till today is still broken and shattered..i wanna move on but i cant..i keep lying to myself for all these months...for the sake of that person...well, still must endure it..but i know one day i will just become worst..my life is just regrets..nvr there was one thing i will do well nor will i ever be good again..friend are all leaving me..my life sucks..i feel like just ending my life here..i had enough of all these..hiass..i am tired....i am nt of use anymore i guess...hopeless and useless like last time..no one cares at all..

2008-08-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

well,i am now working in changi airport. LOL..until tomorrow morning 7AM..man i gt a maths test later on too..haha..hopefully can pass..well, not much happy things to blog...and..i am becoming a workaholic..well, on tuesday...my sports teacher told me something about life..life is un-fair. totally.. it doesnt mean u have a degree means u get promoted at all. u might even get paid for a diploma level...well,thats true..hmm..seriously..i wish i could apply all these in my spiritual life..and i belive i will do so greatly..but it seems cannot..and i dun really know why..is jus me i guess..life really sucks to be like this...i really wish one day i will say life is Good..well, nowadays working in airport..got a chance to go in transit area..haha..i gt a pass to go in..wow there are so many things inside that i nvr see before outside in sg..haha...and it is cheaper too..i going to save up to go another country!!...cant wait to travel..lol..well..i am soon going to fade away from a place soon..anyway..thats my final decision..i am not of use over there...what i want to be can nvr happen in that place..a promise but end of a lie..so nvm..ok la..gtg already bb.

2008-07-23T02:23:00.000-07:00

hmm..finally.. i feel so much better...after going to God...i really need to leave my past behind..and i need to commit to God once again..win over my class for God!!..ar!! focus...is time to kick satan's bloddy ass!!..well...its gonna be easy...and i am going all out for it for the people arnd me thats nt been safe!!..well, it is a breakthrough for me today that i spend 1 hr quiet time..which i nvr done it b4 in my life..i hope it will expand more and more!!!...well this is todays update..haha gtg bb!

2008-07-17T08:15:00.001-07:00

seriously i really hope i know how to drive...i just feel like sitting in the car and just move around and listening to music..today just had a maths test.. hopefully can pass..hmm today nthing much though..hmm kinda tired..haha..just came back frm cell-group.was drawing just now..haha...

well tommrow not goin to sch..hopefully it will be a better day..

2008-07-13T08:47:00.001-07:00

emotions..i really dun like emotions..is really killing me..lots of dissapointment on people..i really dunno ar...life going back to God..a heart full of frustrations..a mind thinking of so much stupid things...if only i had nt fall at all..damm it..really damm it...i tried and tried..is so damm freaking difficult..just to hear God's voice..i have dug a hole deep enough to cause me nt to see the light..damm it!!! well...i wanna have a break...wanna stop everything..want to stop talking to my friends beside me..want to be super alone!!! but for classmates is no choice...i am so angry and so fed up with this life i have got myself into..stupid devil..fighting all this shit in a hell of a yeah..i think i am turning crazy...lol..i gt nthing to say..anger of myself..

2008-05-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

hahaha...today is one of the most stupid day i ever had..lol..it was so lame and stupid..haha..well today we went to east coast park to try out the games for challenge your limits 2...well, i am in-charge of logistics, so we gt nothing to do when they were trying out their games..and guess what we brought along to east coast park...MAHJONG..lol..we brought 3 chairs and table and the mahjong set..and we play at east coast park while they are trying their game..it was so cool man...haha Mahjong on the beach..lol..and guess what...when we are packing the stuff back to the truck..i had a bad experience..lol...i dint know i was holding on to a big bee...and until i found out i was playing with it...OMG...and i was like, freak out man... scared the shit hell of me..i quickly slaughtered it..lol...and something spoiled a bit of my day..i bought the wrong size of clothe..and now i cant change it..sian...anyway got to slp already nitees...continues tommrow...

2008-05-13T21:54:00.000-07:00

Struggles, Tests, Stress, Worries, Failures,Negative Thoughts,Dwelling in your past, Bad Times..Man all this are killer in my life..i am so tired...hmmm...how to get out of all this??...this are germs in my spiritual life..must use Godtox nt sheildtox...lol..hahaha..lame..but seriously..i am a person who is drowning in a quicksand..lol..shan't elaborate.

What is a person who has a guitar and know how to play and dare not worship God?
What is a person who knows what to do but dare not do it?
what is a person who dreams big but cause of past failures, he dares not persue it?
what is a person who wants to do big things for God but dun dare?
what is a person who relies on emotion so much and want to get out of it but cant?
what is a person who knows his gifts and talents and yet he is scared to use it?
what is a person who wants life but yet he does not dare to take it?
E.T.C

the answer is stupid or stubborn.

and thats me..

and to change it..hmm very easy...just do it...lol...just dun rely and be afraid..

man, what a crazy world...

2008-05-09T14:02:00.001-07:00

hmmm...have been thinking alot this days...trying to get rid of my past and move on to the future...man it is really not so good to be a thinker some times...lol..cause u will think alot of stuff...well, have been trying to be positive..haha.. anyway..lots of work to do..my project is going for LKY Compeition..wow...is like wah..cool man!!...i really hope i can make it..haha...

IT IS GILIAN BDAY YTD!! Happy Belated birthday to GIL!! 20 years old!!

haha...so random..- -||...well, life is tough...but i belief i going to have a breakthrough..and it will be soon..lol..wanna be different..dun like to live in a sad life and emotional life...man..simple is enough!! and i know i can do it...

haha...jus came back frm sentosa...just went there and chill, we my bunch of crazy friends..lol..ok will update soon.. see ya.

2008-02-29T07:30:00.000-08:00

My family love and pain and a heartless younger brother who dun appreciate things around him.

Hias...well, today wanna say that..i love my dad and my mum...and i worry for them..hiass..they work so hard for us..but my brother isnt helping out in the family..only wans his stuff..i guess..i really got to work for my family..so much burden in my heart..i feel so hurt when i see my younger brother like this..only know how to spend money, only know how to create more problems in the family..and to me he is a IDIOT..who only care about himself..what a ass-hole he is..i wonder whether he has a heart for the family anot..so what if his studies so good...but the attitude is like SHIT!...ARR.I AM JUST SO ANGRY and sad.. my dad and mum is already quite old..dad's job isnt so stable, may even retrench any time..my mum working so hard as a waitress..dun even earn much...and somemore my brother wans a 300 dollars phone..dun even help out with the dishes, dun even do house chores, dun even wash his own clothes...and everyone including me got to do for him..treating my mum like a maid, treating my dad like a chauffer, treating me like nobody..

why life is so tough..if my family is rich..this burden will not be here...hiass..got to study well to make my parents proud[even until now they are not proud of me], i have to worry about my family finace[ everything now that i have, is either i save to buy or my friends give me]..i worry for my dad and my mum health..i am just so stress up..got to worry of my own spiritual life..hiass..and other ppl outside are stressing me[cant ur just stop bugging me and handle ur own porblems]..

i think i just share all my anger and sadness out..dun wanna blog liao...talk another time..

2008-02-13T04:13:00.000-08:00

well, this few days...i cant get to sleep..dunno why also...stress as usual staying in aunt house..haha..well, exams are all coming already..got to get ready soon..11 march..and i got a presentation to present next tuesday...and i am not done yet..have to chiong ar...well, i hope i can get into multimedia..if not then wire-less...i really dunno wat to chose..i really hope to study media in future...and work in the media side...i wish to become a audio and video editor or a audio enginneer or technician..i really love to be in the media side..i dun wanna work in the electronics..dun wanna work in that industry...i wanna do something i love...got to save..got to save!!.arr i am so stress up...i wish i was a child forever...hiass...life is difficult.. well, i think got nthing more to type...have to go study hard already..

God?..hmmm God??....hmmmm

2008-02-04T08:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year.

well,today...what did i do..let me tell you..SHOPPING...man i just love it so much...trying out new clothes,style and e.t.c...lol..well, i enjoy but i didnt enjoy cause of my size!! i am too big size, i need to jian fei more..there is so many nice clothes i saw..but guess what..i cant wear due to my size and it is so irritating..lol..and i wanna buy this shoe from ALDO pure leather and it cost $195!! is so expensive...but i like it so much man...got to really think about whether shld i buy anot..must plann it well!! today i just bought a belt and a tie..for the whole day just this 2..i saw one long brazire from river island..is so nice and is a sale item..i planning to buy it..lol...well, i am deciding to change my fashion style..i love clothes...haha..but also got to buy correctly..haha..

anyway..life is changing..and is gonna be a revival in God..i REALLY THANK GOD for everything that i have and i appreciate everything HE gave me..Thanks dude[God]!! haha..love u lots..life of-different happenings-of life..=)

2008-01-23T04:39:00.000-08:00

wow..guess what the main dude got to say...i have LOST not GAIN...lost 3.5kg after running this week and last week...wow...and cutting down of food do help..wow..i am so happy..well, really wanna see my resolution coming..yea...haha...and i pass my previous exam..haha..well got to do well for the upcoming exam..4 chapters to learn...wow...is a great thig...and i got my song to complete...well, got to faster...so yea..so excited man...

hmm i guess i wont be going for service this week..will be going my friend's church for a visit..and hope to see my friends that i know for tour...really excited and look forward to it..yea well, gtg..see ya soon...

2008-01-15T03:06:00.000-08:00

hiass...cant run today eh..my legs are stretch out after the run yesterday i think i can only run tommrow..haha...well, come to living with my aunt, very stressful...i cant use the computer..i cant play games i have to sleep early..this and that..hiass...dunno what to say also...lol..well, tommrow gt class test got to study tonight...well, i really hope to get a laptop asap...hmm...how i wish i can just live together with a bro-in christ..and nthing will be restricted..but i dun think can...haha.. well, i came home early today..and watch I AM LEGEND online..haha...man is nice..haha...well, sad to say Will Smith got to die..lol... well, i think thats my day..so nthing else to type already..haha see ya

2008-01-14T05:45:00.000-08:00

WOW...A MIRACLE..lol...i went jogging today myself....what a breakthrough...man...haha...is my New Year resolution gonna come true...lol..it take alot of discipline to do it....well, another goal is to learn how to safe money...be discipline on my money management...i wanna buy a Zara jacket and another jacket from another shop both cost $400++..is so nice..well, and i have planned saving 120 a month..haha...and next is a new bass...i really wish to have a American Jazz Bass...and many other things...well, gt nthing else to say already...haha...shall blog another time...hahaha... see ya..

2008-01-09T02:44:00.000-08:00

well, school has started already..exams is coming very soon in early march..got to study real hard for this term...wanna go poly..hmm... this few days went shopping i bought 2 clothes frm zara and 1 frm ben sherman..quite excited about my new clothes haha...well, dunno what to blog already...shall continue another time hahha...

2008-01-04T13:06:00.000-08:00

hmm today is kinda a boring day..went to NP with Sherman just now to watch movie with NP group...lol...it was like kinda boring...and now blogging in Ang Kok Na house...is like everyone is stoning in his house Jovin and his sister and the rest were playing Dota...is like having a lan shop in his house...suppose to go run later with Kok Na but it seems that i cant due to nt enough sleep...sure die if run..lol.. and now jovin is sitting beside me seeing me blog...--ll well, i am starting to stone in his house too...lol... well, school is starting this monday and i am moving to tampines to my aunt house cause it is nearer to my school..if not everyday always late...nt that good ar...need to do well for my exams this term...

well, was comparing korea and singapore today...i would prefer korea cause of the weather and the people there...but for singapore i would say that it is my homeland i guess. but in korea is cool to be there...dunno why also... kinda miss that trip... well, back in SG liao...back to real buisness...time to plan and set goals for this year as usual..lol...it is like a routine for every year...new focus new plan new heading ahead...i need new stuff and new job also...need to find a flexible and comfortable job for myself...still gt half of my room to pack also...so many things to do yet so little time...

Many wishes on my head...many prayers to pray...lol...need to accolpish lots of things this year...God u must help me yea..changes i see of me ever since 2 yrs ago...evaluated alot in korea instead of enjoying there haha.. was like thinking alot there ar...well, lots of changes to be done...i need more discipline..which i say alot of times but yet haven achive it...need a breakthrough in it..still have many others...

it is so fast saturday already, when i landed on sg is on tuesday and now is like SAT!! is freaking fast...Time is going faster n faster...i going to be 20 this year.. so fast

Many things nt done..
Many things choke up in my head..
Is time to let it go..

2008-01-01T20:56:00.000-08:00

woAh..lol..just came back from korea.it was a great trip and met new friends...haha...well, for this trip i gt to say that i enjoyed and i dint enjoyed too..lol...have fun in the amusement park and the place..played DOTA at KOREA...LOL..so funny..well, it was very cold over there..range from -9 to 8 degrees...the last 3 days was so cold..lol..dint buy many stuff was kinda expensive..i saw Snow..and it was so cool and nice... and my favourite was skiing..it is quite hard...must get a hang of it..it is like roller blading yet nt like roller blading..lol...we threw snow balls at one another..it was great fun..and the food there is nt bad..but eat until very bored though is steamboat everyday..WOAH right...lol..but tell you something about their steamboat.. what ingredients u see in the steamboat is almost the same every day..is so like SIAN la..lol..o ya i just remembered..THE SPA...wah..have you ever try swimming in a weather range frm 0 to 5 degrees...is like so dammm cold...but then later i and my brother went for the spa..which is 42 degrees..and once we get out of the water it is not cold...so weird..i was expecting it to be very cold..but it seems okay..haha..well, i miss my new group of friends, Xiao Jia[the most notorious and hyper actice..lol], Ker Hui, Si Hui[An Na], Yiquan, Sherman,Fildan[the cutest small kid over there]. i dint expect that we could enjoy ourselves together and it was the first time meet and holiday together..one thing i realise about myself..i really can take care of KIDS...- -ll
took care of this young lady call XIAO JIA!!...wah..she is so hyper active...played with her chopsticks and ZHA the whole day, and she had the energy to run after along day..lol well, now back in sg..lots of things to do and prepare and school is almost starting soon..the worries on my head and stress is comiing back..lol..well shall nt talk about it.. will continue my korea trip soon...i am quite chiong hei..so 4gif me..lol.. see ya guys gtg..

2007-12-07T11:27:00.000-08:00

today i slept until 3.30pm..lol..too tired ar..wow is already friday and now i am blogging on saturday early morning at 3.30am at kok leng's house blogging..haha on thursday was at shepherd house and we were cooking..haha...everything was with white and red wine..we cook butter mushrooms, turkey stuffings,fried rice and more haha..and i tried different kinds of vodka example lime vodka with coke and peach vodka with sprite ice..is was nice..haha..

well, and on friday went to joel house jus to wait for his dad to come back to cope his car so that we can go out..haha..and later we went to watch movie..AND IS A STUPID MOVIE...don't watch '30 days of night' is so damm stupid..instead of rating violence, i would rather rate is stupid...lol..is crap..and lastly we went to eat supper and here i am at kok leng house..lol

well, i think is on a wednesday when i was spending my QT in the morning...and God just drop some lyrics into my mind...and it is like WOW to me...haha..i am naming this song 'A new' haha..well, i will record it soon...jus need to touch up in some parts and it will be done...is cool...

well later going to run, and meet project mates then go service for duty..quite rushy...but i hope is ok...haha...and 2 more weeks i am going to Korea 26 DEC if your guys are fetching me off meet me at 7 at the airport..if your wanna ask anything else can text me at 98587897..haha..thnks.. see ur guys later for service...

2007-12-02T06:54:00.001-08:00

wow..long time i nvr blog already..haha..i said i will be back but now then start to blog again.well, looks like things are getting better now..just need to be more discipline in my life and to be serious abt my decisions in my life now...well, christmas is coming i really wanna bring my friends or can call them classmates to come to know the God i Know...today wow..did many things help out in SP event haha...it was alot of fun...really wanna say sorry to wan qi that i cant go her house to teach her...i think she wanna kill me already..haha..

Wanna share with your something about i really wanna see more in life is that every time i go for service and prayermeet i belive that i will experince a deeper relationship with God and everyday..well, i was very ministered from last week prayermeet is because i allow God to come into me and do his healing in me...i realise i have a hardened heart in some areas in my life...really wanna soften it and really give my all to God..i am seriously in need for God..i need to have a new desire, a new fire, a new passion for God..ARR I NEED ALL THIS..GOD HELP ME MAN!! i really need to lord..a wall for u to break for me God... HELP HELP HELP!!!

I was dreaming so many things i wanna do my DAD..i dream for myself to do great things fod my DAD..how i wish i am serious abt him..always wanting to know him deeper in my life...how i wish God could just change this stubborn heart of mine..and i belief it will happen cause of all his promises...i trust u DAD that i will come to past...

well tommrow gt test cant talk much already..hope to blog again soon...

AND GLENN[TP] NXT SAT U ARE REAL DEAD...!!!!!!!!!! DEAD U HERE THAT!!!! LOL...
ask ur bro and sis nt to flood me with food, i wanna slim down ar..lol

ok see your guys soon..buais..

2007-10-29T09:04:00.000-07:00

IS A NEW DAY!! wow..well..nthing to wow abt..-stupid..anyway..days of sadness is passing soon..living in pain and sorrows is passing by soon..it looks like life is gonna be different after all..today..as i was worshiping the Lord..the Lord ask me a super serious question..:"my child, is time to make a decision. will you give me your all to me." and during this part of my worship..everything in me that is so heavy lighten up..i feel the comfort..the restoring of my energy..and the Lord said:"take your time to think carefully because what lies a head will nt be easy if you say yes." i was like..WORRIED...and i am scared..so i make a decision of saying...."yes lord..i will give u my all, no more boos boos..help me lord..help me lord.." i kept singing with my guitar playing-G,EM,C,D- help me lord..i was so scared..and the lord spoke to me again:" start from the start again..start from your basics again..read the book of matthew onwards" i am scared..cox i scared i will fail him half-way..i dunno what to do..-lord help me!! well,i know i have done so many mistakes in my life..i have many regrets..but this time i will move on and focus on God..

the life i nvr thought would happen, what will it be...
a different heart is going to take over this heart of mine..
Help me pls LOrd..Help me..

2007-10-19T06:07:00.000-07:00

today..what is today..is it new or is it old..suddenly this emotions can into my heart..and i started questioning myself...life wasn't i wan it to be if i chose it myself..many things has or have happend this few months..i think he really miss me alot..after i neglected him so long..i always thought living a christian life was fun..but as time passes by..it was getting more hard...why is it so hard to obey him..why am i so stubborn to chose the wrong path..life is straight but i make is crooked..i have been walking left and right..when is it going to be straight..i really longing for that desire..that desire when i first met him 5 yrs ago..a desire that i really wanna have it again..the burning,hunger, child-like desire for him..times are changing..more and more politics are rising..when can everybody just have a simple heart..or is it just me..struggles upon struggles..pain and more pain..where is the joy..sometimes..i just wish i was always a simple person..so stupid of me..i know i need him..without him..what will i be..well, 1 more week..and i am gone..is his plans..i will move on..even if i am nt inside..-to him: "wait for me..i will come back to you in your arms..like a child.."-i love you....Lord.

is jus a life..that i had nvr thought...

2007-10-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

yosh..well, back to blogging..many things has happen this few months..many things i wanna know and understand but is just not yet i guess, is God's timing..well recently i was doing my QT and that day i don't have any lyrics and chords to worship God..so i decided to jus play with Faith and amazing thing is that 2 songs jus came to my mind and i started to worship God but i started to worry what if i play wrong..and i really played wrong..but i started to have faith again..and everything turns out well..and i learn faith as tiny as a mustard seed is so powerful..haha..and gosh tommrow sch starts ARR!! help..lol..i dun tink i can wake up siah..tommrow still gt work..ok la..tats all for today..shall TRY to blog more..if gt time..

-next Sat 27/10 is the last Day...and den no more..

2007-08-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

once again i came to blog..well as i was doing sound duty today..God show me a picture.. if ur guys knows that there is a door at stage and it links to the backstage..well as i close the door, God show me and told me - hey, i am always beside you but why u cant hear me or u think that i am not close to you is cause the door of your soul,heart and mind is not open... the handle of the door is yours.. i am just right in front of you at your door-step. And God make me realise that why we dun dare to open the door is cause of what we have done to the lord or the sins in your life that u keep the door close. And when u are crying out "God why i cant hear u!!" is like u are banging on your own door with your hand on the handle and yet you don't want to open it..and why you can't open its also because of the things[problems,sins,dis-couragements and so-on] that is tied on your hand, it is so heavy that your hand has no strength to open it..you must take a knife on the other hand and cut those things lose from your hand and be strong to open the door of your heart,soul and mind to God...and i really learn alot from this picture God gave to me today..and it really reflect of my life...i need to open my doorway to God...

2007-03-31T09:37:00.000-07:00

It is time that i am wearing my helmet, armour, polishing my sword, cleaning and shinning my sheild, tightening my belt and polishing and wearing my shoes to war. And it is time where the light has once again return its place on me to take back what is ours from the enemy. It was never an easy battle neither is it a short battle but it is a war that all Godly man will have to face upon this earth to win the salvation of mankind. Its time to claim back souls that the devil has took from my heavenly father. Its the light that i am going to have that shine through the darkness. As all man that i serve in church some with sheilds on some are not wearing it for those who does not wear their sheild could not guard themself properly, some wear their helmet but some are not for those who does not wear their helmet could nt see the enemy cause of the glaring light which cause them to lose sight, some with sharp swords but some with blunt sword for those who carries a blunt sword loses to its enemy cause is nt sharp enough to cut through, some wearing their armor but some are not for those who does not wear their armor are easily been slice and pain was un-bearable for them, some wore their belt but some didn't for those who never wear will be clumsy for their amor is dangling over their body which makes them easily pentrated and lastly some wore their shoes but some didn't and when they step on sharp and rocky edges of this earth they fell in great pain and make them un-balanced to walk...

well this passage that i just wrote is what the holy spirit speak to me and it is to remind not only me but those who serve with me for God, when we are fighting, everything on you must be in placed, if you have a foot-hole, your enemy will know and they are able to trample on you easily.well it is time that i got myself back to God and is time to serve to my very best.

It is difficult to let pride go away, recently God put me into a test of pride which lead my spiritual life down way to the drain.. God is forever there but also forever testing us, so that we can grow mature and learn from him to be like him. I really want to thank God for the recent Gen-next 07 camp which spur me up and taught me many things. And God spoke to me in
1 COR 13:11 when i was a child, i act like a child but when i grow up i put my childish things away. and throught this verse God spoke to me in another verse in MATT 18:4-5 which hit me and it is link with 1COR 13:11 and God taught me through this 2 verse is we grow up and became physically and metally matured BUT only those who have a child-like heart towards God will receive the fullest from God himself!! well this is what i learnt in my quiet time..well thats all will share to your more in future of what i learnt ok..see ya...

2007-03-06T09:20:00.000-08:00

hi guys. well today i am blogging again as usual.. this few days i was thinking abt my past..and as i thought more about it..i really wanna thank God for everything that had happen in this 4 going to 5 year which is this year..though i am nt a pastoral leader or a ministry leader or a shepherd..well i feel rather disgrace to be in church that until now i am nt a leader...as i think abt it more i feel more discourage..but den the holy spirit reminded me abt the verse the workers are many but few are chosen..and i realise i dun really need to be a leader for i myself is a testimony to other people already..i always thought that only be a pastoral leader it can bring me to alot of places to do in church..it is true...but what most important is till my relationship with God..many dis-coragements really pull me down..i wan to achieve God's vision upon me..i wan to achieve my dream but is nt so easy...is very hard..up till today i dun quite understand that why ppl judge example; like u wan to be something but the requirement is to be a Pastoral leader but what if ur calling is nt being a pastoral leader but a ministry leader..do u tink that it is fair to waste God's given talent... is like u only can move on wen ur leaders say yes...but what if God use the holy spirit and prompt u.. is difficult to change the mindset of the ppl..all i can say that i will believe and go by this way-" if it is nt my calling to be a pastoral leader and my calling is to be something instead, i will go all for it" God's given talent to u is nt for u to judge weather to let the person use it or not but is enable and let the person use his giftings and talents for the church is make up of many parts of the body..- this is how i feel and really thinking about...

isiah 43,psalms 23!God's assurance

2007-03-03T10:09:00.000-08:00

well,today woke up quite early, and guess what..i nvr eat today..was quite tired...haha..i enjoyed myself today for service..haha..seeing the preacher doing some stuff was quite funny..well yesterday went to watch movie with alvin and kok how...we kinda regretted watching this movie call -"The fountain" i watch until sleep same as alvin..hahaha...and today after service was kinda boring..went out with alvin and kok how again to look for some songs at HMV..and felt like going home..but i called vincent up and they were going to play CS so i join them..haha ZHI GE IS PRO!! cant belive that she can play..nemo will improve if she practise..looks like i also have to improve..and recently i m in love with this game call Company of Heros..is a very nice strategic warfare game..haha..is cool..well and guess wat!!! i recieve another GOOD PROGRESS AWARD!!! haha...i really pray hard that i could go to poly... guys pray for me man...keep me in one of ur prayer list!! well gtg guys...will blog more tommrow...

The world can nvr live without a God who truly love us that is willing to bear such un-sightly torture and death and he is Jesus!!!~ HE is your Father,Brother and your best buddy that does nt betray or harm you...God loves you dudes...see ya!!

2007-03-01T11:47:00.000-08:00

well, i am back blogging..lol..this is the 1st time of this year that i re-started to blog back..haha..well, during this period of time many things had happen to me..and nowadays MAHJIONG is one of my favorite thing that i like to play..hahaha..though is kinda auntie game ar..haha..and guess where i am blogging..i m blogging in the AIRPORT cox ytd fetch ultan off to china...man gonna miss her.. well i serve with her since youth up till now in poly/di haha...and one more thing is i am awarded with another GPA award..wow i really thnk God for that..haha..i really wanna excell for God and i wan t0 go to poly to study..haha...well now i and yuhui is tryin to play mahjiong online..lol...but it seems tat is nt workin wahahha...still tryin though..hahaha yuhui is tryin to figure out how to play while i m tryin to login..lol..well, thats all for today i guess..haha tommrow kinda free, anyone wanna date me out..hahaha..lol...

isiah 43...

2006-12-01T05:54:00.000-08:00

today after sch...wen i was going home..i met my ex-shepherd which is also my ex-CL in youth...i was encourage by him though i wasn't in a good mood today..due to my exams and some other reason too..and he shared to me many stuff..and i was quite encourage wen he told me -" hey, dun care wat kind of reason that ppl gave you, dun care of wat ever u do...all in this world both physical and spiritual there is only one and the only one goal in all ur lifetime on earth is on GOD[papa], and it really inspired me to move on..and today i told my papa...-papa i comin home...can u see me running to u??- is kind of kiddish but i really love my papa alot... and i really wish i gt such big hands that i can hug my papa...jus that he is too big!!...>.< haha...anyway i m already preparing christmas gifts...shall do something special to only....

well, 3 days left to final year exam...gt to chiong liao...mus do my very best for Papa's name to be shine forth to my classmate...and i m so happy at last my friends are coming for -Who killed santa 2- is a breakthrough...last time keep on askin em to come...all dun wanna come..now they are coming!! thank God man!!...-hey papa xie xie ni!! =) well,thats all...see ur guys on service...havin duty tommrow..nites dudexx see ya!!~

25 needles left to be taken out...and will be waiting...

2006-11-29T04:21:00.000-08:00

today in school was real memorable and enjoyable, we are graduating soon and we played a childhood game together and is carpark catching, in about 4-6 days we are goin to graduate and nxt year we are going in our own roads..i tink i will miss em all...i nvr had such cool and great friends in ITE espically this year!!...really wanna thnks yew loong,hong yi,dennis,wee how,jia chen, for helpin me in my studies...really thnk god for u guys...and will miss ya man...well 4 days more to my final year exam...gonna study hard for it...and poly here i come nxt year!!...

well,this feel days my life wasn't doin that well, and is time i have to climb back up to catch up u guys...is time i got to come out of my comfort zone...i have been stickin too long in my confort zone.."papa sorry i neglected you" the 2 loves in my life that i wun change... i gonna change for the good of myself...i shall nt lag behind anymore...a harden heart only can be open by God's wonderful love..-"papa i tink u have miss me alot..haha...dun worry papa...i m runniin back to you..."a picture i saw wen i was blogging -as darkness is overwhelming me i saw an light shine behind me and i saw my shadow, and i saw my darkness that i was following all along.. and i realise i have been followin the wrong direction.... and so i turn and i followed the thin and narrow bright light that shine accross the darkness.. and as i walk more towards the light, the shadow behind me started to dissapear..and there i was back in God's arm...=) i love u God...

27 needles left to be taken out from my heart....

2006-11-28T06:51:00.000-08:00

ytd and today was my my prelim..i gonna fail badly cox wat i studied it did not came out...this feel days many things happen...nxt week is my FYE[final year exam]..and i m kind of worried that i cant pass...now have to study alone which is so diffcult for me...jus dunno why wen i study alone i got no mood...well i m used to it i think...i dunno wat to blog today...and today was my CG also...and i was the guitarist..i really ministered to the people..it was great...well,i dunno wat to blog liao..haha...well...end of bloggin...=)

2006-11-21T02:40:00.000-08:00

2 more weeks and it will be my final year exams and graduation...planning to work during my holidays and tryin to work hard for my exams. i didnt have good sleep the last few days, was very shack, worried...i wan to pass my exams with distincition and give glory to God..and also wan to go to poly la..haha...2 birds in 1 stone...life is nt really that good recently too...i really need to be at the right hand of God again...i m jus so jealous when i see ppl grow..and sometimes will feel dis-courage, thinkin how come i m always livin a life of a sea..always high tide den low tide...i really wanna have a breakthrough in this area...and is always happen when sch starts in ITE life...and when i go poly i dun wan to spend it like ITE..where i always have to struggle...and as the government is raising the GST year by year...i am thinking it will be diffcult to live in singapore...well..gt to study real hard...please pray for me guys....for my studies and my spiritual life...

2006-11-06T04:51:00.000-08:00

time is flying faster n faster as each day goes by,in 2 days time is the exact day where my project will be tested and a report to hand-up..and 3-4 weeks more in school before graduation, i really want to get distinction so that i can go poly, GOD help me ok :) today as i was seating my bus 73 way home, i was thinking about the years down the road:

1.This year i am 18 and graduating.
EITHER:
2.After i graduate and if i go poly and i finish poly i will be at an age of 21 or 22 and after that if i go army i will be 23 or 24 and if i go uni then i will graduate at an age of 26 or 27.
OR:
3.If i can't go poly and i go to higher nitec[another ite] I will graduate at 20 and if i go poly after my higher nitec i will be a age of 23 and if i go army den i will be age 25 and den if i go uni means i will be at an age of 27 or 28.

and i wan to get married at an age of 25-27, lol planning for my future. But now my main focus is to study real hard and get into poly espically TP!! I want to do something in that school, ITE is not a culture that i want to be in. FINAL TERM EXAMINATIONS is the starting of the 1st week of december, and i really need someone to be beside me so that i can study if not is real hard for me to study, i cant study at home cause is too much distractions. And i really want to thank God for blessing me in my FYP gt so much stress in it, and wanna thnk God for my shepherd,joyce and nemo for encouraging me throughout shall bless ur in future haha.. and i got a new project which is a traffic light project, got to create our own program to make a traffic light...lol..will show ur guys my project..haha...well thats all for today got to go do my FYP report..take care guys. see ya :)

2006-11-05T06:15:00.000-08:00

at last..i came back to bloggin...lol...was force by nemo to blog lol..joking...well many things happen and many things change...life to become mature is a everyday thing..well today again another lesson learnt..i was evaluating why am i feeling not as joyful as b4..and i was like complaning to God and soon the holy spirit told me something and i was kind of stunn cox i didnt realise..and he told me- the reason is cause you have been pleasing men nt ur lord,ur father,ur brother n ur friend who is always beside you blessing you all along..and i came to tink and it is true..and i gt to change in this area...well..i left 4-5 weeks and i will gradaute from ITE balestier there is no time to waste...i gt to do something...i wan to see my school win...i wan it to be God's sch....and i really want it to come to past...and it takes alot of faith...and today is kind of bored lol...stayed at home use computer and evaluating...haha...well thats about all bah...

REMINDER: investing on peoples' life is better than investing on worldly things!!

2006-10-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

well...sorry guys so long i nvr blog..was very busy...well today gt practise for this comin sunday church level singers meet...kinda stress up n worried...ahaha...well i belive God will anoint us...and today woke up at 5 wahahaha...like pig right..and guess wat, i m cookin for my family...wwahahah....dun look down on my cooking skills...me can cook...and those who know wat is my dream in future...wahaha....i m aiming for it...but if really cant...den i will go...haha...anyway....short bloggin today...haha...PING PONG TAI -> jovina fav. phrase...haha

2006-09-17T00:52:00.000-07:00

at last..gt the time to blog again...ytd was our church anniversary..and was not bad for the first time..well..all of us prepared the whole thing since wednesday...so much work to do before the actual celerbration started..lots of setup decos and so on and so forth...it was so humid the place at expo without the air-con...lol...well..me very tired...exams is jus comin this week...and have to hand up my major project this week..and i m only half-way done...i m getting worried again..and i tink i goin to fall again...everytime also like this...wen studies is always the biggest problem in my life that will affect my spiritual...i will tend to worry so much...hiass...well..i still will stand strong...life is different in me den last time...i feel so different...lol...well gt to do my work already...and i wan to change for the better...pray for me guys...i need ur prayers too...thnks

2006-09-09T19:10:00.000-07:00

it was a great service ytd..same as the others....and ytd i was on duty...haha...Thank you ben!!...haha...ytd service was quite good hardly have feedbacks only jus when Pastor Jeff was preaching there was some slight feedback-it means the holy spirit is moving in nexus..jkin-...haha....well really need to improved myself and motivate and take initiative to grow and mature in sound...i was thinking through what royston told me and is true that i have to be serious in this ministry..this ministry is nt just a normal ministry but is ministry that will also stur up the audience...and being a sound technician in church is like a stage minister also...so i really need to be mature even more..and so to u guys who are in different ministry...how much have you done ur best to serve in your ministry 50% or 35% or are u giving into it ur 110%..i really learn alot of things ytd..and i evaluate is time for changes in my life...well if u say u have given ur 110% den good...give more den 110%..but for those who is below 100% what are u guys doin?!?...change for this is not a ministry of fun but is a ministry of GOD which means God is in every ministry in the church...so do ur best for the lord..

last night movie watched-The Devil Wear's Prada....not bad to me..haha candy u can try using that as ur technique to have ur job interview in future...wahahaha...was quite nice...and i dunno how to say the movie...so..eh...watch urself..lol...ok thats all guys...will stop writing my journal~ here...bb..

2006-09-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

wow...ytd really was a great service..gt filming and stuff...this days really need some breakthrough in my life...findin the way back to the joy of the holy spirit that was bless by God..haha...life is really stuffer and more stuffer...and tommrow gt to hand up a project..and later tonight still have to go alvin house to move the wood...and so on and so forth...today is really nt a fruitful day for me...a life that i shld not be doin..gt to repent..today wen to toa payoh and support my unit members for their superstar compeitition...nt so sure whether they are in or not..lol...and today many things happen to me...i really need breakthrough..guys do pray for me..last week sermon...haha...pray on the spot but nt wait...problems come means growth is coming!!...no problems means no growth...and i really lookin forward to this growth of maturity...guys help me ok...haha..thnks

2006-08-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

wow...nvr update for quite some time...well was kind of busy...haha..lots of work and projects to do and so on and so forth like a normal typical student in singapore...today wen jammin with some of my outside friends who are in other churches after school..was quite fun and it was cool...many things happen today...both bad n good...havin bad headache and tommrow i having a test...arrh!!....and wednesday have to hand in project already...dere is so much things to do by this week..and going for army check up this thursday-exciting!!...lol...and friday is a holiday...reallly gt to spend it wisely...gonna buck up my giftings that God gave me..life is gonna be different and is gonna be a fruitful..haha...well, me goin to study ler...

-Be a history maker..

2006-08-23T01:58:00.000-07:00

at last home sweet home..just reach home from school...so tired...lots of major projects to be completed in 4 weeks n 1 next week..argh!!.-God grant me strength!!..lol..i m always worryin abt my school stuff..nvr will i one day not worry about it...is always school projects make me stress up so much..and school food is so boring..see until no appetite...same taste and everthing is the same...no different...got to tahan for another 4 months b4 i graduate..really wan to go poly espically TP!!...the entrance is so nice..lol..but i really wan to study dere..is my dream school,if not last resort is always RP-jkin...lol..if nt Tp den Nyp if cannot go any poly den got to go another ite...hiass...lol..must study real hard...and i m very tired ler..and for my future i cant give up...and today is really a hot weather..phoo...

this few days i just realise something..serving God is nvr easy nt at all...but wen we sin which means wen we serve satan is easy...and through this i learnt something...if we chose things that are easy to go with, how are we able to mature and expose ourselves more...we must really learn how to get away from sin..which i m struggling with..is nvr easy. the reason why is not easy is cause u are nt serving satan but you are serving God...thats why is not easy..now a days in my life is getting more n more tougher is cause we are growing in age and physically..the more u know the more u must learn to control...and brothers n sisters...wan to tell ur something,wen we are about to sin..got this verse for you 1 john4:4, this verse may help u if u wan to use it...if not...lol...this verse tells u to put everything about God in your heart..dun let a single sin comes in..haha...if we can avoid den avoid if cannot better REPENT!!...lol

ok thats all for today....lol...see ya..

2006-08-20T21:02:00.000-07:00

This is my first post in my new blog..haha...today woke up late...so didnt go to school...later will be doing some stuff at home..and at night will be going out with the Dna team to do some work..this few days really very tired...dunno why also.. yesterday was at darrly house playin mahjong...was quite fun though every round i lose..nvr win at all..so sad..and i just bought a ear-piece frm sony...it was so good and nice...wen u hear is just like you are hearing like on the actual performance or wat..lol..it is good that wat i got to say...haha.. thats all for today..lol..will blog better tommrow..haha..

-Life is gonna change, ppl will move on, the church of God will move on so i wan to ask..are u moving on? Dun be at the end of the crowd but be the frontline moving on and on and until u reach the high end of the mountain where God is. Many things will be a obstacle to you, when you are climbing,when u slip God's hand will be stretch and hold you and when u are tired your God will help u. when u are about to give up..God will say-"My child dun give up, papa is here. Come and i will give u a hug"- Bro and sis our God is our papa..dun ever ever doubt him!!

God is your Father, God is your Strength, God is love, God is your johovah jireh(your provider) for GOD LOVES YOU alot alot...what ever that u feel or happen he is always beside you holding your hand and walk with u..when u are down or sleepy he will carry u on his back and walk on!!

-i love you Papa :)